Another Day of Being Crazy

  I know I have posted before about feeling like I am losing my mind but now it is official.  I got a phone call today from someone saying the insurance information I had on file with their company was not working.  I did change in insurance companies this year but I completed online updates and made phone calls to my providers to make sure they had the new information.  After all, I sure don't want to have to pay more than I am supposed to for my medical expenses.  Anyway, back to the phone call.  I didn't recognize the number that came up on my caller ID but I answered it anyway.  The woman on the other end has a slight drawl and started talking about my bill and how it wasn't going through insurance and she needed my insurance information - then proceeded to name my old insurance company.  Ding, ding, ding, there went the warning bells - Scammer Alert!!

  I told her I would call her right back and she asked if I wanted her number.  I told her I already had it and hung up.  She did mention two of the companies I deal with so I called the first one to see if they were making calls about insurance.  Nobody was in the office, which is typically closed on Fridays, so I left a message telling them that there was possibly someone using their name in a scam.  Then I tried to look up the number for the other company but it wasn't in my contacts list.  That is strange because they have been one of my providers for five years or more.  I decided to dial the "scam" number to talk with this woman again and try get more information.  I called the number and a muffled voice said, " [company name that I couldn't understand] this is Dave".  Silence on my part . . . then I said, "Sorry, I think I have the wrong number".  Interesting that a man answered this time - wait - did he say his name was Dave?  I think that is the dudes name that owns the company.  Yikes!

  I hopped onto Google and put the phone number in.  The name of the company came up and boy, did I feel stupid. I dialed the number again and a different woman answered, "[company name] this is Nancy". I recognized the company once the name was said clearly and I recognized Nancy's voice.  "Hi, Nancy.  This is [me] and I just got a call from your number and some woman said my insurance account wasn't working anymore.  I told her I would call her back because I didn't recognize her or the number and I thought it was a scam {embarrassed giggle}".

  To make a silly story shorter - I got connected to the woman and got everything figured out.  Then I proceeded to go into my contact list and add the provider's phone number to the company name so the next time they called I wouldn't let paranoia set in.  Oh! I also called the other provider and left a message on their machine letting them know the scam wasn't really a scam, that it was just me losing my marbles.  [I am an idiot some days!]

  Ten years ago this probably would not have happened but the age of technology and the waning morals of our society have created people like me.  Technology lovers who have multiple layers of hacking protection put in place because we know the immoral people are out to get us.  When someone calls us, rather than communicating electronically per our preference, we immediately start coming up with scenarios in our minds about all of the scams that could be introduced via the telephone.  In my own defense, several years ago I was a victim of a online banking hacking scam.  The alerts I had in place allowed me to be immediately notified and I was able to shut the hacker down.  However, it still created a sense of violation in my mind made me secure my accounts even more with multiple access layers.

  I think the cyber world is only going to get worse and we all need to learn to use security layering to protect our identities from those individuals that think it is okay to steal anything and everything a person has.  So, do yourself a favor and check your accounts, delete accounts and profiles you no longer use.  Unsubscribe to those e-mails from companies you no longer deal with and stop giving out personal details on social media sites.  Be smart and stay safe onliners!!

Random thought:  When was the last time you received a letter on stationary from a friend or loved one?  Better yet, when was the last time you wrote and sent a letter to someone?

~Daemon

Blogging Anonymously Allows Personal Freedom

  I recently shared the fact that I am a Blogger.  I am not sure if that was the smartest thing I have ever done.  I started blogging years ago as a means to express myself and to provide an outlet for all forms of thoughts.  I didn't have my blog open to others at first - I was using the space more as a diary that had the added security of an electronic key rather than a physical one.  About a year ago I allowed a few trusted friends access to my blog - we shared common interests and I knew they wouldn't judge my random musings.  I made several of my blog pieces public and kept the rest private (a girl has to have some things that are private). 

  Anyway, back to the sharing comment . . . I was on FaceBook and someone posed a request for the readers to share something about themselves that others may not know.  I posted that I was a blogger.  Well, that piqued the interest of some of my friends and several asked for the link to my blog site.  Here is the dilemma - if I share the site address I will lose the anonymity I have enjoyed and others will be able to tie me to my pseudonym.  Is this something I am willing to do?

  I decided that I would take a chance and share the blog address.  I only ask that any of my friends who I have shared this site will honor my request to remain anonymous.  I am not so conceited that I think I will become the "talk of the town", however, I do not want to open myself up to scrutiny from those who do not understand and respect my need for personal privacy.  If any of my blogs speak to you or make you feel the need to share them, feel free to share my site address - just don't share ME.

Older parents and technology - Just shoot me now!

Does anyone else have that one parent that thinks he is ready for technology even though he can't even operate a remote control?  When computers were in the Windows 95 stage (probably one of the better eras) my mom decided to buy herself a desktop computer because all of her friends were sending "e-mails" and it was the thing to do.  Needless to say, she had no clue how to operate a computer and none of my siblings were tech saavy - so, guess who got to bond with mom over a Windows 95 desktop device?  Yep!  Lucky me!  Now don't get me wrong, I do not think there is anything bad about someone wanting to try something new and improve themselves.  However, I do think that a person needs to make the committment to at least learn how to use the technology they have so willingly enmeshed themselves into.  Over time my mom did learn how to use her computer to send e-mails and to print "stuff" (mostly jokes and pictures on plain paper).  In addition to those skills, she learned how to play games online.  She entered the world of POGO and opened herself up to a whole new world of fun . . . and viruses!

Is it selfish if you don't want to go visit your parents because you know that the so called visit is going to turn into a technical nightmare of redoing system settings, cleaning out caches, and killing viruses?  How about when the phone rings and it's your mother on the other end and she "just has a little question!"

     "Yes mom, this little picture (icon) needs to be left alone". 

     "No mom, don't try to "clean" your computer yourself".  

     "Sure mom, I can drive 45 miles one way to fix your computer".

     "Did you shut the computer off and turn it back on first . . . ".  

     "Oh, your friend Steve said to do a system restore because that's what he does when his computer freezes - Ummm, no! Do not press that button, I will be there in 45 minutes". 

I was in heaven when my parents decided to buy a second home in Texas and head South for their winters.  Six months of not having to trouble shoot computer problems (they didn't have smart phones yet either).  I was dreaming of what I would do with all of my extra time over the winter months . . . and then my mom calls and says, "I am taking my computer to Texas with me.  What do I need to do to get internet when I am there?"  [Crickets chirping . . . ]  And, that single sentence started a month long saga of me trying to "talk" my mom through a process that she was in no way, shape, or form, able to handle.  The saga ended with me getting on a plane and flying to Texas to get my parents set up with "dial-up" internet.  Well, that wasn't the only reason but it happened to be a catalyst. Yes, this was a long time ago and wireless technology wasn't readily available - this fact alone should indicate how many years I have been dealing with this demon called technology.

Roll forward to 2019 - my dad is no longer with us, my mom is remarried to a great guy who is a little more tech saavy than she is - just enough that I can actually explain steps to him over the phone and he is able to follow them.  My mom has had a cell phone for years - I put her under my phone plan and I pay for her monthly bill and we call it her Christmas, Mother's Day, and birthday presents all rolled into one.  Solves my problem of trying to figure out what to get her and it keeps her from having to dish out money each month for a phone.  Enter the SMART PHONE - since hubby #2 has a smart phone and he can do all kinds of cool things with it, mom decided she might need a smart phone.  Oh God!  I didn't realize I had PTSD (Prior Technology Stress Disorder) until I heard the words "how much would it cost for me to switch to one of those smart phones?"

Here's the problem - as a teenager I could look my mom in the eyes and lie my ass off to get myself out of any situation.  As and adult, I can't do it;  I wish I could, but I just can't.  So, I let mom know it wouldn't cost any more for her to switch to a smart phone and she would just have the cost of purchasing a new phone.  I ordered her phone (a very simple Motorola without major bells and whistles) and my older son set the phone up with everything she wanted.  She got a Facebook account, and e-mail account, and all of her contacts loaded into her phone.  Passwords were created and documented for her. Family members were notified that mom was entering the "smartphone" world. But the best thing by far was the "Duo" application that was loaded to her phone.  We could now make phone calls back and forth and use the same technology that George and Jane Jetson used when making their cartoon phone calls.  How cool was that? 

Today I almost cracked - my mom has not checked her voicemail messages for years.  Six months ago I spent time with a Verizon tech getting her password reset (this was pre-smartphone) because she couldn't remember what her PIN # was.  She also insisted that we never told her what her PIN was to begin with.  Okay, my fault, let's just move on.  Today, I spent time with a Verizon tech trying to get my mom's voicemail cleaned out.  The mailbox was full and nobody could leave messages for her.  She then tells me she has never checked her mailbox because nobody ever gave her the PIN #. [Plant my palm on my face].

Long story made short:  After an hour of frustration and explanations, I finally got my mom to understand that the "little blue circle with all the dots on it" could be pressed and an actual keypad would appear. Of course, in order to do this, I had to call "Hubby" and have him take a picture of her screen then send it to me so I actually saw what she was seeing.  Once we accomplished this, I was to talk her through accessing her voicemail. Loe and behold, she did have a PIN # ["Oh! Well how was I supposed to know what that number was for?"].

As I try to look on the bright side I remind myself that I will always be tech saavy . . . because my mother demands it . . . Just shoot me now!

Random thought:  In twenty years are my own children going to be blogging about my inadequacies and sharing their frustrations with anyone in cyberspace who wants to "listen?"

~Daemon

Today is the day to SNAP . . .

Well, the day has come when I can no longer pretend that I enjoy my life as it is.  It is time for some serious change.  I have become unhappy and as a result, apathetic.  I pretend that everything is wonderful and fine and I think that the reason I do this is because I believe that I can make my situation be whatever I want it to be through the power of positive thinking.

Positive thinking is a powerful tool - albeit a dilusional one.  So, what are the triggers that finally caused me to snap?  I would have to say the number one trigger is the fact that I have no place to go to get away - nothing to call my own.  Now, I understand that this is a selfish concept - wanting something that is just mine and nobody elses - but I believe it is the key to sanity.  The corona isolation has been a huge problem for me as I can no longer get into my car and drive somewhere to get lost in the crowds.  The crowds have been disbanded.  I cannot hop a plane to another country and lose myself in the thrill of exploring someplace new - the countries have been closed.

What I can do is find an escape that allows my mind to lose its reality and stop thinking about the world as I know it.  I guess the introvert in me requires this "task" as a way to reenergize myself.  The problem with this process is that it also requires isolation in a manner that blocks out all excess interuption and stimulation.  That is not possible in my current situation as I have animals that require attention, husband who shares my space, and a multitude of noise that intrudes upon my solace.  I completely understand the concept of needing to have personal and private space and have decided that this is going to become a reality on my life.  I am going to create a "She-shed" for myself.

I kind of sprung the idea of the "She-shed" on my husband today.  Well, I actually blind-sided him with it as I told him I was going to take over one of his storage sheds he has sitting in the yard.  This storage shed has been slated for renovation into a cabin.  For the last 5-6 years, nothing has been done to this shed to even hint at this becoming a reality.  The shed is rotting away - siding is falling off in places, critters have started to nest in the building, and the roof is looking pretty poor.  The shed was sheet-rocked about 20 years ago; wiring and windows were put in, and a wood sub-floor was installed.  And it has sat in this condition since then.  Of course it was moved to a different spot and blocked up, but nothing more has been done to the shed . . . nothing!  So, I have decided to squat on this piece of prime property.

I know my husband wasn't happy about my announcement. As I am typing this, he is working like a mad man on a room he is remodeling.  That is his response to me when he is pissed off or upset - he goes and does something manly.  Sometimes he cuts down trees with a chainsaw, sometimes he burns garbage, other times he gets on his tractor and does whatever it is guys do on their tractors.  The end result is he becomes productive, burns off steam, and I get to make a positive change about something that has been driving me slowly insane.

Is a "She-shed" going to make me happy?  Of course not; But it gives me focus in a time when I need it.  It gives me purpose and hope and it will give me a place of my own to escape to.  I can decorate it any way I want, I will be able to go to meditate in quiet and provide myself with spiritual regeneration.  If I want to work on a craft project and not pick it up right away - I can.  If I want to have my girlfriends over and not be bothered by ESPN blaring from the television, the rattle of the washing machine, or the demands of pets - I will have a place to go.  Right now, I am attempting to save my sanity by creating my own space . . . wish me luck!

Random thought:  What if we were able to tune out the world around us - kind of like putting ourselves into a sensory deprivation chamber - for 60 minutes every day?  Would we come out refreshed or would we come out insane?

~Daemon

The Utopia of Weight Loss

  Does anyone remember that movie "Logan's Run"?  It was based on a book that was published in 1967.  The setting brings us to a post-apocalyptic, future dystopian society where people lived in harmony. Population and resource consumption was controlled by requiring the death of anyone reaching the age of 30 (21 if you read the book). Citizens were required to report to a "sleep shop" where they were incinerated. Anyway, the one part of the movie that has stuck in my mind all these years was a scene where any citizen could enter a lab and request to be "laser sculpted". The female character was beautiful, already thin, and perfect looking.  However, just like current times, all she and society saw where those tiny little flaws that kept her from being "perfect".

 Laser trim a few pounds off here, there, and anywhere else the pesky fat cells were accumulating. I remember thinking "how cool would that be"?  A machine that could fix any physical flaw. Even as young as I was back then, I was already focusing on my so called flaws.  Fast forward forty years later and I realize not much has changed other than I have gotten older and . . . yep . . . more fat. Actually, according to clinical standards I am obese.  When did the term "obese" replace the term "fat"?  Why did it replace it? Whose ideas was it?  

I started an online application based weight loss program last Monday.  It is a points based system that includes "free foods" and incorporates activity into the overall plan.  I was on this same program years ago and had fairly good success so I decided to try it again.  I do recall that the last time I started the program I had 31 daily food points - this time I have 17.  The points and pathway are decided after the user takes a survey based on their preferences. Luckily, in my pathway, I have 300 free foods to choose from so it shouldn't be too much of a hardship, right? OMG!  The first day I had access to the program I ate like I normally would just to see what my typically day would look like for points. This first day was not my start day but since the application allowed me to start tracking a day early I figured I would see how I measured up.

As I stated earlier, I have 17 daily points allocated for food intake.  I also have a bonus bucket of 32 weekly points that I can draw from should I go over my daily limit.  Test day 1: I tracked my food at the end of the day - big mistake! I consumed all of my daily points, all of my weekly points plus more.  I had a total of 63 points for ONE DAY!  It's no wonder I am fat  - or obese if you have made the change to political correctness.  I was sharing this story with my co-workers while we were at the nurse's station and as I made the statement "no wonder I am fat", my own physician just happened to come walking around the corner.  He had heard part of the conversation so of course I had to retell it. I was embarrassed - I don't know why, it's not like he doesn't already know I am "obese".  Maybe it was because I had confessed, out loud, that my eating habits were the real reason for my weight problem . . . I have been trying to convince him it is a thyroid issue.  Anyway, he now officially knows that I am following his advice to lose weight.

For now, the laser sculpting machine will remain a dream and weight loss programs and changing my eating habits will be my reality.  At least I was able to live past the age of thirty . . .

Random thought: The word "utopia" is from the Greek language and combines two meanings: "a good place" and "no such place".  Isn't it ironic that the word that has come to be associated with perfection is really a good place that doesn't exist?

~Daemon